Lost No More
by Sakata Ri Houjun
Summary: Ryoga wants to help heal Mousse's shattered heart. *shonen-ai*


Title: Lost No More  
Lyric Wheel song: An Innocent Man by Billy Joel

Author: Sakata Ri Houjun

Warnings: Slight angst and sap  
Disclaimer: If it was me, I'd have the boys in constant orgies  


AN: This is a relatively short one-shot fic that I wrote for the RRYaoi ML on Yahoogroups. It's part of a project that's called a Lyric Wheel, in which several people on the list submit song lyrics that we feel fits the show in one way or another. It can be any pairing and has to follow the mood set by the lyrics AND include a snippet as part of the story. The lyrics I've included at the bottom of this fic.  
Technically, this wouldn't be my first Ranma fic, however, this is my first at writing about Ryoga. So give me a break on this.

~***~

Life is unfair.

That could be considered the understatement of the century if you lived in Nerima.

Unrequited love runs rampant in these streets, battles are endlessly fought over the most trivial of occurances, and in the end, is anyone happy?

I know that I'm far from it.

At one point I thought I knew what I wanted and I worked relentlessly towards that goal. But then, that was before I looked into his eyes and saw a pain equal to my own.

Everything seems trivial compared to that heart-breaking sadness that lingers in those peircing blue depths. It's a rare thing to see the prideful Amazon without his glasses and even more rare to stare into that soulful gaze. I have often thought about my own pain and humiliation, but it pales in comparison to Mousse's. And it wasn't until recently that I realized that I've give anything to alieve it in any way possible.

On one of my fruitless travels, hopelessly lost as usual, I happened to stumble upon the raven-haired man as he practiced his skills in the empty lot behind the Nekohanten. It was evening and a full moon shone overhead, casting silver highlights across his bare torso. I could see every muscle ripple as he practiced his kata, each movement sure and strong. And all I could do was stand there, captivated by what I was privliged to see.

I've stood by and witnessed his suffering first hand. A man who had been in love since a small child, only to have his feeling thrown back in his face time and time again. His resiliance is nothing less than awe-inspiring. I know next to nothing of his childhood other than what has been passed on by Ranma. And from the treatment he recieves from Shampoo and her ghoul of a grandmother, I can only imagine what life was like for him among his own tribe.

And as I watched him train that night, every ounce of his strength and skill employeed, I could feel something inside myself reach out to the myopic warrior. I wanted to give him what he desperately wanted, had been trying to attain all his life.

Yet, even as I continued to observe him, I pushed aside the urge to run to Mousse's side and take him in my arms. Somewhere deep inside of me there was a voice that told me that he'd just push me away. Not because he wouldn't want me to love him, but rather becuase he was afriad of being hurt by someone else.

The Amazon loses a piece of himself everytime Shampoo says something callous to him, but he's used to the pain she inflicts. I know it sounds odd, but Mousse continues to be ridiculed not out of love for the violet-haired Amazon but because he's grown used to it. To hear the object of his affection speak so coldly is nothing short of familiar and I think he's resigned himself to a life of loneliness that's continiously filled with false hope.

Eventually, Mousse retired for the night, going back to his small room on the second floor the resturant where he's treated as nothing more than a slave. Yet, even after he left, I still envisioned his beautiful form there in the moonlit shadows, moving silently and gracefully. I felt my own heart break at the thought of Mousse sleeping alone between cold sheets, surrounded by an unbreachable sheild of pride that prevents him from ever opening up to the possibility of finding love.

And ever since that night, I've found that anytime my wanderings take me past the Nekohanten, I've always paused in my footsteps and stared at the simple resteraunt, thinking of the raven-haired Amazon warrior. 

On more than one occasion, we've had to work together, and through our faults I've found that we make a great partnership. And everytime we get close, I can feel a certain kindred spirit with the Amazon. The many nights that I've had to spend under the stars alone, I've often found myself wishing that I had what Mousse needed, that I had power enough to erase the sadness that's within those captivating blue eyes.

The last time I saw him, it was after a particularly nasty battle. He had given his all; we all did that day. And in the end I watched as his shattered heart was callously stepped upon once more. His glasses were lost during the fray so his eyes were bared to any who cared to watch as he gazed after Shampoo who ignoring him yet again. Though he cannot focus without those thick lenses that hide the magnificent color of shimmering blue, I knew he could still see what was there and it was enough.

And like a door slamming shut, I witnessed his soul closing down as he stoically stood and left us all, only the rustling of his flowing white robe whispering his departure. No one but me took notice of his leave but I could not ignore the utter defeat in his unfocused gaze, not this time.

I doubt anyone cared that I had left either as I followed him. His gait was heavy, his shoulders slumped in resignation. Unable to stand it anymore I had reached out to him, hoping to offer comfort, friendship, understanding...perhaps even my love.

Mousse merely jerked away from my hand without even looking up, as if he had already been aware of my presence. There was an intense anger and self-loathing in his posture and I understood he didn't want pity, not even from me. But that wasn't what I was offering. Still, the damage had been done and he had rejected me, preferring solitude to opening his heart up to the chance of pain yet again.

And ever since then, I haven't seen him.

I know he hasn't left Nerima, though I have yet to run into the tall Amazon youth with the peircing eyes. I know becuase I can feel him, even as I stand outside the Nekohanten again, staring up at a second floor window that I know to be his. It's almost as if we are of the same soul. And perhaps in a way we are.

Staring up like that, I feel almost guilty, as though I'm doing something wrong. Yet, I know that caring for the myopic Amazon is something I can't help, something I don't ever want to stop doing even if he states outright that he hates me.

I start to turn away, to try and head home, though I know that I wouldn't reach my destination until about two weeks. But then I stop and gaze up at the window again.

Perhpas Nerima is cursed and all its residents with it. Perhaps we're all locked in a never-ending cycle of unrequieted love, forever chasing what we can't attain. Maybe that's my destiny, to always love this broken man for who he is, for the part that no one cares to notice, just as Mousse's destiny is to always chase a woman who will never love him back, even should he defeat her in battle. If that's the case, then what's the point of trying to attain happiness in this place?

Ruefully I shake my head. I didn't train myself to become stronger only to lay down and die like this, backing away from my feelings for Mousse like a coward. The other residenst may want to accept their fate, but I'm going fight against it. Life isn't fair, but I'm only an innocent who's lost among all this madness.

Maybe I don't have what it takes to heal his heart, but I can no longer stand to hide how I feel in the shadows. And even though he may reject me, even though he may never let me in or accept what I have to offer, it would be cowardly to just stand here when I know I can march right up to his door and confess my feelings, show him with my heartfelt words that he isn't alone.

I have no reason to feel guilty because I know this is right, what I'm doing is right. Because of Mousse, I'm no longer lost in my purpose. Perhaps if I should offer my love to help bind the wounds left behind by Shampoo, I can help him open his eyes and see beyond the pain.

~***~

An Innocent Man   
Billy Joel 

Some people stay far away from the door   
If there's a chance of it opening up  
They hear a voice in the hall outside   
And hope that it just passes by 

Some people live with the fear of a touch   
And the anger of having been a fool  
They will not listen to anyone   
So nobody tells them a lie 

I know you're only protecting yourself   
I know you're thinking of somebody else   
Someone who hurt you   
But I'm not above   
Making up for the love   
You've been denying you could ever feel   
I'm not above doing anything   
To restore your faith if I can   
Some people see through the eyes of the old   
Before they ever get a look at the young   
I'm only willing to hear you cry   
Because I am an innocent man   


I am an innocent man   
Oh yes I am   


Some people say they will never believe   
Another promise they hear in the dark   
Because they only remember too well   
They heard somebody tell them before   


Some people sleep all alone every night  
Instead of taking a lover to bed   
Some people find that it's easier to hate   
Than to wait anymore   


I know you don't want to hear what I say   
I know you're gonna keep turning away   
But I've been there and if I can survive   
I can keep you alive   
I'm not above going through it again   
I've not above being cool for a while   
If you're cruel to me I'll understand   
Some people run from a possible fight   
Some people figure they can never win   
And although this is a fight I can lose   
The accused is an innocent man   


I am an innocent man   
Oh yes I am   
An innocent man   


You know you only hurt yourself out of spite   
I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight  
That's your decision   
But I'm not below   
Anybody I know   
If there's a chance of resurrecting a love   
I'm not above going back to the start   
To find out where the heartache began   
Some people hope for a miracle cure   
Some people just accept the world as it is   
But I'm not willing to lay down and die   
Because I am an innocent man  


I am an innocent man   
Oh yes I am   
An innocent man   



End file.
